Rejection

Rejection

Rejection is the Baskin Robbins of the emotional world, coming to us in a multitude of varieties. It arrives after an amazing job interview, only to get a rejection letter in the mail. It comes after a promising first date, only to not to be asked out again. We fall in love and are not loved in return. It comes in the form of pink slips, divorce decrees, poor job performance reviews, and unanswered texts. Rejection is universal, but no matter how it arrives, the result is often the same. We sometimes devalue ourselves and are left feeling naked, vulnerable, and alone.

I have experienced rejection in many forms, ranging from being rejected by a parent, countless loves, dates, and jobs. There are more tic marks in my failure column than the success. Yet, my reaction was always the same; I doubted myself. I wondered if what they said was true. Maybe I was not beautiful or smart enough, or possibly I didn’t have as much talent. I didn’t feel unique, valued, or special. I wondered if I ever would be. I fanaticized that everyone else had success most of the time, and it began to seem not only elusive but effortless for others. This only caused me to spiral deeper into self-doubt.

I slowly began to reconsider other perspectives. I listened to others’ stories of their own rejection. I began to realize that not only is rejection not rare, it is the norm. Stories of instant success are the ones we like to remember.  The universe tends to be fairer distributing rejection than many other human experiences, but only if we look broadly in how it appears, in all its forms. I began to feel less picked on by the gods, less unworthy, and more importantly, like everyone else. We have all been rejected, we will all continue to be, and it will always be mind-numbingly painful. It never really gets easier.

Trying to shield ourselves from that pain turns us away from opportunity, and does not allow us to grow into the brilliant people we are meant to become. I am trying not only embrace the pain but use it as a tool for betterment.

Change is slow, and I’m sure I will have moments where I slip back into self-doubt, but I am finding that I grow and learn more from the failures than I ever can from the successes.

When it gets to be too much, and doubt creeps in, I can try to remember the times when I wasn’t rejected, until I feel strong enough again to leave that overly-safe place in my own mind, venture out into risk, and know I’ll be OK when I’m knocked on my ass again, knowing this time I will be alright.

I am beginning to feel fearless.

If I can face the ultimate rejection in life, and not only survive, but grow, then taking massive risks in the future can only seem like opportunities with limitless potential, no matter what the outcome. I reached have reached some of the darkest moments of self-doubt, self-hatred, and despair, and came out on the other side only stronger. That’s what rejection can do.


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